If you read my post about my pregnancy experience you know that I had taken a pregnancy test a couple of days after I had missed my period and it came back negative.
Two weeks went by and I still hadn’t gotten my period. My hormones were out of wack. My boobs were humongous. I just had a feeling that something was up. Especially when I started balling on the way home from Sam’s house all because I didn’t want him to go to work, I wanted to stay in bed and snuggle.
That was the main reason as to why I took the test. I never cried for reasons as unreasonable as that one.
I got home, immediately grabbed the second pregnancy test and went to the bathroom.
It was instant tears when I saw those two pink lines. And not a couple tears streaming down my face… I mean Kim Kardashian ugly face crying.
It was almost as if I was Kermit from the famous meme that’s circulating around.
Me: Sam just got to work a little bit ago, I should not tell him over the phone and freak him out.
My Hormones: CALL AND TEXT HIM UNTIL HE PICKS UP!
I called and called and called. I knew he was busy but I couldn’t help myself. He was the only person I wanted to talk to, the only person who could calm me down and make this situation better, for the meantime.
“What’s going on? Are you okay?!?” Sam urgently asked me after responding to my 1047292 texts and missed calls.
“It’s bad. It’s really bad,” I choked. I was still balling even though it had been hours since I had found out.
“Babe. What is it? What happened? Are you okay?”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Kayla! What’s going on?! Tell me!”
I could barely get the words out of my mouth, “I’m… pregnant.”
“Okay… okay… calm down, baby girl. It’s okay. Calm down. ((I was balling basically the entire conversation)) I love you, okay? I love you, we’re going to get through this. Calm down, take a deep breath. I have a couple more hours at work. After that I’ll come over and we’ll talk about all of this. I love you, remember that.”
Hearing those words brought ease to my conscience and I was finally able to.. yup, you guessed it, calm down.
For myself, I’ve always believed that abortion was never a choice. I knew that if I were to ever find myself in the situation of being pregnant, I’d keep the baby undoubtedly.
I can’t say the same for Sam. And I don’t hold that against him. It wasn’t in his plan for us. At least not at the moment. We had only been together half of a year, we hadn’t even talked about moving in together. Now we’re suddenly having a baby? He was freaked. And again, I don’t hold it against him one bit.
At the doctor’s appointment to confirm the pregnancy the OB talked to us about our options. There was Abortion, Adoption and Parenting. Only three, not one more, not one less.
It wasn’t until then that I realized that he was considering abortion as an option. I had made the assumption that he had had the same mindset as I did.
“I want you to know that no matter what decision you make, I’ll be here. If you want to get an abortion, I’ll be there for you. If you want to keep the baby, I will stay by your side. It’s your body, Kayla. It’s ultimately your choice… but, just so you know, the way I see it is we can either get an abortion, travel, be young, get married, and have kids down the road. Or… we can grow up right now, speed our lives up and become parents.”
I did understand where he was coming from. But I just couldn’t. I couldn’t hurt someone else’s life just to convenience mine.
“I can’t get an abortion. It’s just not an option for me and never will be. I really hope that’s okay with you. If it’s not, I understand, I’m fully capable of doing this on my own. I don’t want to ruin your life.”
“No. Like I said, I’m in this with you no matter what you choose. If this had been happening with any other girl I’d be going nuts. But the fact that it’s happening with you makes it better. I’ve always known you were the person I wanted to start a family with, just not this soon.”
His words melted my heart but I still knew that he was freaking out on the inside. That’s what Sam’s like. It’s so incredibly easy for him to seem at ease in a bad situation.
“Can you just give me some time? Some time of us not discussing this, let me process everything?”
There it was. I was glad he was being honest and upfront about how he felt. I knew I needed to give him his time so I did.
After a little over a week passed, I finally asked how he was doing and what he thought.
“I want to keep the baby,” he said, surprising me. My heart was so full.
“You do? What changed your mindset?” I asked.
“I don’t know how to explain it other than the fact that I just know I won’t regret it.”
And let me tell you, he’s been through a lot throughout this pregnancy and becoming a parent. It hasn’t been easy but he’s continued to be the hardworking, dependable, loving man that I know and absolutely adore. And I know that if you asked him he’d still say that we both made the right choice. Those two pink lines weren’t so bad after all. Not at all.