So, I’m just going to be straight forward with you – Mother Nature has hit me hard these past couple of days. I’m an emotional mess. That’s basically the worst symptom of my period that I get – hormones on hormones on hormones making me cry over silly, little issues.
But Mother Nature has really made me look into the mirror and think about the person that I’ve become. I’ve realized some good in me but also some of the not-so-great qualities that I have. And now that Finley’s here and watching my every move, it’s really made me think as to what I want him to be like when he’s older as well as how my actions will affect him as a person. Obviously he’s a mix of Sam and I so he’s going to have a little bit of both of us in him but I do believe that behind every good kid, there was a good parent setting an example.
I want him to be open. That’s something that I’ve always struggled with, not opening up with my true feelings and being direct when I needed more than I was given. I will always do my best to make sure he knows that his thoughts and feelings are valid, and that he has every right to feel what he is feeling.
I want him to be honest. Growing up, my Mom was always someone who I could tell my problems to. While there were some secrets I kept from her as a teenager, she always knew the gist of what was going on with me and that made all the difference. I will always do my best to make sure he knows he can come to me about anything, and never have to hide who he is because of judgment.
I want him to be kind – especially to women. I’m so tired of seeing how men (or should I say boys) view women. Growing up as a millennial, I experienced first-hand how disrespectful guys could be. Playing with girls emotions, simply wanting sex, and degrading women into pieces of meat and objects – it’s not okay with me. And I will certainly do my absolute best to make sure I raise someone who has respect for his mother and every other woman he comes across in his life.
I want him to love himself. I’ve never been someone who’s comfortable in their own skin. I have a horrible self-esteem, I’m too hard on my mind and body, and struggle to find the good in myself. I’ve always been great at seeing it in others but myself? No chance. And Finley doesn’t deserve that. I want him to grow up seeing his parents being fully accepting of who they are. Happy with their lives and with themselves. That is why I will do my absolute best to work on my perception of myself.
I want him to believe that he’s capable of anything he sets his mind to. Yet again, another thing I’ve always struggled with. Because I’ve been on my period, I’ve sort of been in a slump (every girl knows that I’m talking about). I love writing for my blog but I was getting really down on myself, thinking that I was failing at it. But what good is it to sit and mope about something instead of actively working at it, trying to improve the project itself as well as you? I don’t want to be a mother who sets the example of giving up when the going gets tough, I want him to see that when something is started, it’s finished. Every. Single. Time.
I want him to try new things. Sam’s really good at getting out of his comfort zone. Me? I’m sometimes all for it while other times I shy away. But how can you figure out who you are and what you like if you don’t get yourself out there? Finley is going to have parents who always encourage new adventures and never, ever tell him that it’s something he cannot do.
And lastly, I want him to always feel loved. I know that men are a lot simpler than women and don’t require all the emotions and care but there will never be a day where Finley will question whether his parents love him. Whatever the type of person he turns out to be I will never try and change who he is. I will always welcome the parts of him that he shows and accept every aspect.
I will always try and be the best parent I can be.