Let's Get Personal

From: A Young Mother To: Her Friends

The moment I found out I was pregnant, I was definitely feeling a various amount of emotions. I was nervous, nauseous, and knowing that my life was about to take a 180 degree turn, a turn that was going the exact opposite direction in which my friends were heading.

In my first trimester of pregnancy, I didn’t want to do anything but sit at home. I had very bad nausea but instead of throwing up, it was the type of nausea where you don’t. You simply feel dizzy and disgusting without the option of feeling better by getting all of the yucky bile out.

I was also extremely tired, I’d say I got too much sleep but that isn’t even considered an option for a pregnant woman. (But thank goodness I slept as much as I could back then because now I’m definitely not getting enough!)

On top of those two feelings, nausea and exhaustion, I was an emotional mess.

But then… I started to feel better, the second trimester hit and I felt as if I was back to my old self. I was going to Twin’s Games, soaking up sun at the beach, even going over to a friend’s house was something that gave me a sense of accomplishment.

But as every pregnant woman knows, then your belly starts coming in, exhaustion hits you like a slap in the face, and your back starts to ache. I was working full-time come August when I hit my third trimester which made all of these pregnancy symptoms even worse. At times, it seemed impossible for me to even leave the house after a day’s work. While I wanted nothing more than to be young and having fun with my friends, my body wouldn’t allow it.

I felt guilt. While I know I shouldn’t have, I did. I wasn’t able to be the friend that all of my friends needed. I wasn’t able to make the efforts for them that they were used to. I wasn’t always available when they needed someone to come over and vent to, someone to go to do “normal” activities that 20 year olds do. I wasn’t able to be 20.

And that killed me.

Fast forward through those 9 months of being pregnant, now where am I?

I’m in the same position, but at the same time, a different one. I feel as if I’m an even worse friend than when I was pregnant.

Instead of not being able to go over to a friend’s house to chat and let them vent, I’m not even able to make it to the phone to send out a text because of a crying, teething baby. And by the time I do remember to respond, it’s the very next day. Instead of not being able to get out of the house because I’m feeling unwell, the situation becomes so much more difficult with me bringing along a stroller, my diaper bag, and making sure I have a happy, well-behaved baby the entire time I’m out.

I’m 21 years going on 35.

I want to hangout with my friends, I want to make the memories that 20 year olds should be making, I want to make sure I’m just as there for my friends as they are for me, but I can’t. At least not right now.

For myself, I feel as if I’m extremely lucky to have friends who understand this. They’ve gone above and beyond to make sure that I know they have no hard feelings. And I wish that I could make myself believe that they’re not jilted by my absence but I can’t. I’ll always feel guilty not being able to be the best friend that I can be.

To my friends, just know that I want nothing more than to be there for you. I will always do my best to give back for how understanding you’ve been and I thank you so very, VERY much for your kindness when I fall short.

13 thoughts on “From: A Young Mother To: Her Friends

  1. I was in this same positron 8 years ago. I was the first out of my friend circle to get pregnant, at 20 years old with a guy they didn’t like me with. Looking back now, my friends have all had babies and they understand what I went through. That guy is now my husband and we have 3 beautiful children. My friends and I call and pick up conversations even if we’ve let a year slip by. Don’t feel guilty, your friends will love you regardless if they’re truly your friends!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the encouraging words, Megan! I love hearing about other’s mothers stories when they were younger with children. It puts everything into perspective for me! Happy it all worked out for you as well. 😊


  2. I can totally relate to this! I had my son at 20, which was way before any of my other friends had their children and sometimes it was really hard to keep any friends because they just didn’t understand where I was in life. It sounds like you have some good friends though who are sticking with you – this is a very nice tribute to them!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much! It’s hard to find balance but I know that one day they will go through what I’m going through right now and have a better understanding.


  3. I think it’s really beautiful that you are sharing this part of you with the world, and to your friends who you feel you can’t be there for. My gosh they are so lucky to have you as their friend because it’s so apparent that even during such a time consuming period of raising a baby, you are STILL thinking of them. Seriously they are so lucky and they’ll get it one day if they have kids. And if they don’t get it, it’s okay- they can still be there for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s hard when life pulls you and your friends in different directions as I see it now that I’m itself is adulting. You have a baby another friend gets a different job possibly requiring them to move others get married. We all Are torn in different directions and sometimes it is hard to accept that this is the life of an adult. We want to do the things that we once lived to do but now we tend to put the lives we thought would be aside to be there for our families. Real friends, good friends understand this and you are lucky if you have that. Don’t ever feel bad for putting yourself and your baby first! Thanks for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the encouraging words, Amber! You’re right – relationships change as time progresses. We all start to put different things first and we can’t hold that against one another – it’s life!


  5. I understand what you are saying because I have children just a bit older than you and being a good friend is hard for everyone. As we get older, our friendships must change because we all mature. It is normal to not spend the same amount of time with them, but they still know you love them. Whenever you have time to pick up the phone and chat, you revive the relationship. Do not feel guilty about the amount of time you spend with them. Your relationship has just matured!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. I think that’s what’s been hardest for me – to realize that we are different points in our lives, all of us, and our relationships together are much different. Still close – just matured. Thanks for the advice, mama!


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