It is okay to mourn the loss of pre-parent you.
That’s something I’ve struggled with admitting, that I miss the person I was before I had my little one.
I’m not sure if it’s because I feel as if other’s will judge me, I mean I am the person who got myself into this position in the first place.
…Or is it because I’m nervous to admit it to myself?
I always thought that I’d be the mother that just couldn’t get enough of parenting. Motherhood would completely take over my life and I’d indulge myself in every. single. second. of it. There wouldn’t be a piece of me that wanted to do something else besides spending time with my baby.
Or is it because that there’s this huge pressure on mothers to be perfect?
There are moms who breastfeed, mothers who bottle-feed. Mothers who don’t go back to work after their maternity leave is up and mother’s who take a week off a work and are right back at it, simply loving being back to their pre-birth lives. Mothers who can afford to feed their babies organic, healthy food and mothers who are doing their very best to provide anything edible for their little ones.
Every single mother out there is different, doing their own thing. And I think that’s how it should be. A mommy should get the say as to how she raises her child… but nooooo, that’s not what society thinks. The public, the people, they have an opinion on everything. There is always judgment no matter how you go about parenting. You simply cannot win living as a mother in the world today.
But I’m not sure if thats what I’m even worried about. I’ve never been someone who cared very much when it came to following what society says.
I mean I have a baby at 21, point proven.
It’s just, no one can understand how hard being a mother is until they’re thrown into the position of being one. While I give major credit to fathers, I know many help out as much as they can, a lot of responsibility does fall on the mother (unless you’re a single dad).
I made the choice to be a SAHM. I love it. Don’t get me wrong, I really, really do. But sometimes I feel as if thats all I am. A mom.
I wake up, feed Finley. Play with Finley. Change Finley’s diaper. Play with Finley some more. Feed him again.
He’s a chunker so I’ll probably feed him again after that.
You get the picture, the spotlight of my day is always Finley.
When Sam gets home from work, he plays with him for a bit and always offers to feed him to give me a second to relax but I usually make it my duty to take over. I try and see it from Sam’s point of view, he’s worked a long, hard day. He needs some down time.
But… well… I need some too. With Finley being the center of my attention 24/7, I often forget that I am other things than a mother.
I’m a girlfriend.
I’m a friend.
I’m a sister.
I’m a daughter.
I’m a granddaughter.
I love being a mother so, incredibly much but I miss having the time to be something… or should I say anything other than that.
I miss being able to workout when I want to. I miss being able to see my friends at any time of the day. I miss being able to go on trips with my parents and siblings. I miss visiting my grandparents, spending time with my crazy, lovable family, all of the time. I miss being able to go out with Sam and not worry about the cost of a Twin’s Game or getting something to-go for dinner.
I miss having freedom whenever I want it.
I miss the girl who did what she wanted to, when she wanted to.
I know I made the right decision becoming a mother. I’ll never once regret putting Finley before me. He’s made me a more humble, loving, selfless person. There just always will be a part of me that misses the girl who was free… But, I’m glad that she made the most of being young while she had it.
To other young mothers, I know you’re probably feeling the exact same way I do. Being a parent is hard work. It takes a lot of a person to take on the role as a parent… And I mean that literally. Your responsibility as a parent overcomes everything else in your life.
Never once think you’re being selfish for looking back and wishing you could relive your parent-free memories again.
And always remember that you have such an exciting, fun adventure ahead of you. That baby is going to be your best experience yet.