parenting

For the Mom’s Who Miss Who They Used to Be

It is okay to mourn the loss of pre-parent you.

That’s something I’ve struggled with admitting, that I miss the person I was before I had my little one.

I’m not sure if it’s because I feel as if other’s will judge me, I mean I am the person who got myself into this position in the first place.

…Or is it because I’m nervous to admit it to myself?

I always thought that I’d be the mother that just couldn’t get enough of parenting. Motherhood would completely take over my life and I’d indulge myself in every. single. second. of it. There wouldn’t be a piece of me that wanted to do something else besides spending time with my baby.

Or is it because that there’s this huge pressure on mothers to be perfect?

There are moms who breastfeed, mothers who bottle-feed. Mothers who don’t go back to work after their maternity leave is up and mother’s who take a week off a work and are right back at it, simply loving being back to their pre-birth lives. Mothers who can afford to feed their babies organic, healthy food and mothers who are doing their very best to provide anything edible for their little ones.

Every single mother out there is different, doing their own thing. And I think that’s how it should be. A mommy should get the say as to how she raises her child… but nooooo, that’s not what society thinks. The public, the people, they have an opinion on everything. There is always judgment no matter how you go about parenting. You simply cannot win living as a mother in the world today.

But I’m not sure if thats what I’m even worried about. I’ve never been someone who cared very much when it came to following what society says.

I mean I have a baby at 21, point proven.

It’s just, no one can understand how hard being a mother is until they’re thrown into the position of being one. While I give major credit to fathers, I know many help out as much as they can, a lot of responsibility does fall on the mother (unless you’re a single dad).

I made the choice to be a SAHM. I love it. Don’t get me wrong, I really, really do. But sometimes I feel as if thats all I am. A mom.

I wake up, feed Finley. Play with Finley. Change Finley’s diaper. Play with Finley some more. Feed him again.

And again.

And again.

He’s a chunker so I’ll probably feed him again after that.

You get the picture, the spotlight of my day is always Finley.

When Sam gets home from work, he plays with him for a bit and always offers to feed him to give me a second to relax but I usually make it my duty to take over. I try and see it from Sam’s point of view, he’s worked a long, hard day. He needs some down time.

But… well… I need some too. With Finley being the center of my attention 24/7, I often forget that I am other things than a mother.

I’m a girlfriend.

I’m a friend.

I’m a sister.

I’m a daughter.

I’m a granddaughter.

I love being a mother so, incredibly much but I miss having the time to be something… or should I say anything other than that.

I miss being able to workout when I want to. I miss being able to see my friends at any time of the day. I miss being able to go on trips with my parents and siblings. I miss visiting my grandparents, spending time with my crazy, lovable family, all of the time. I miss being able to go out with Sam and not worry about the cost of a Twin’s Game or getting something to-go for dinner.

I miss having freedom whenever I want it.

I miss the girl who did what she wanted to, when she wanted to.

I know I made the right decision becoming a mother. I’ll never once regret putting Finley before me. He’s made me a more humble, loving, selfless person. There just always will be a part of me that misses the girl who was free… But, I’m glad that she made the most of being young while she had it.

To other young mothers, I know you’re probably feeling the exact same way I do. Being a parent is hard work. It takes a lot of a person to take on the role as a parent… And I mean that literally. Your responsibility as a parent overcomes everything else in your life.

Never once think you’re being selfish for looking back and wishing you could relive your parent-free memories again.

And always remember that you have such an exciting, fun adventure ahead of you. That baby is going to be your best experience yet.

 

Advertisements

52 thoughts on “For the Mom’s Who Miss Who They Used to Be

  1. It’s okay to miss your old self but don’t forget she’s still there. This one reminds me of a post I did a while back, inspired by a license plate I saw in our parking garage, “DJS MOM.” While I love being “Carter’s Mom,” I truly love being Shannon!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your not alone for sure! We all miss being able to be carefree and without stress. But, know, I don’t know what I would do without that stress. I would be bored. Now that I know what it is to be a mom, I don’t think I could every go back. So I guess, I wish I could be naive again. Mainly, I wish I could go hang out with my husband, without having to basically multiply everything by 2 because we also have to pay for a sitter.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. True! I wouldn’t want to be without Finley, that’s for sure. I love that he keeps me preoccupied and makes my days a little bit brighter. But right!? We’re lucky to have grandparents near and willing to watch our little guy.

      Like

  3. I was a single mom from when my son was 10 months old to 10 years old. However I always made it a point to still do what I needed to do for myself to fulfill my needs and in doing so, I feel like I was a better mother than if I hadn’t. It’s like they say on planes – always put your oxygen mask on first before trying to to help anyone else. Even with that, my son is a very well adjusted and confident 13 year old who has never doubted my love for him. Don’t be afraid to take care of yourself too!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s very true. If we aren’t happy, it’s going to make for unhappy kids. Sometimes taking the time for yourself is what’s best for your kiddos! I’ve come to realize that’s important for relationships too. Sending your LO’s to Grandma and Grandpa’s to have a date night is vital. You need to keep your relationship happy and healthy too, that’s one very important factor for your children to see, a good, stable marriage or relationship.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This one touched my heart. I had my first baby “Young” at 23, and since then we’ve had 3 more. You will find your own motherhood path, but never be afraid to take care of you, to say no, even say no to your child sometimes, because you matter, too. So much easier said than done, and it took me a long time to learn it for myself… but I hope you find your mothering balance. Love to you, mama!! xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree 100%. It’s just those moments where I do take the time to do things for myself, I miss my little guy. It’s a never ending cycle of mama guilt. Slowly but surely I will find a balance 😌

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I like to look at it as : look who I have grown into. I had my 1st at 19yrs old so there wasn’t much “pre-parent” me to look back on. But looking back I wouldn’t change it for the world. But i do miss my skinny tight tummy, my mom pouch can take a hike at any time now lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love who I have become, as well. My son makes me a much better person. But right! Mama’s pouches are no fun πŸ™ƒπŸ‘‹πŸ»

      Like

  6. I completely agree with all of this! I struggled for a while with the idea of going back to work because there are so many people saying that a mom should be home with her baby. And while I do love the time I spend with my little man, I also love being able to enjoy my job. I just had to find the right balance that worked for me =) Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is totally speaking to me! I miss the days when I could wake up and do nothing just because I wanted to, or it wasn’t a hassle to plan a trip to the grocery store. But, I can’t imagine not being a mom, and so many people don’t get to be- so I count myself lucky!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah – that’s so true. I totally didn’t take into account the people that can’t. Sure makes you reconsider how you view parenthood – even on the hard days!

      Like

  8. This is such a great reminder that I desperately needed today! I’ve been regularly struggling with accepting how different I am now, but this was a nudge I’ve been needing. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad I could help πŸ˜ŠπŸ’› Mamahood totally makes you a different person – doesn’t mean that new you is a bad you, it’s a better you!

      Like

  9. As long as you are happy I think that is the main thing. But I also think that it is important that you still try to do things for you. That is what keeps me sane. My main weekly activity that I try to do every week, even when I don’t feel up to it, is my Irish dancing. I started many years ago and it is something that I enjoy but is also my weekly exercise.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m not necessarily a young mom, but this is a very relatable post. I was convinced that I would eventually have some prebaby normalcy back in my life once I had my little one, but that hasn’t happened. However, I have also begun to realize how incredibly important it is to make sometime to take care of myself – even if that means just going out for a coffee with my sister. It’s so easy to go into putting the little one first autopilot, but it’s also totally okay to take breaks for yourself. You might even find that it makes you better at being a mama! Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel as if a majority of mama’s do go on autopilot and put baby first 24/7. We too often forget about ourselves and our needs. Just like you said, even the littlest of things like a cup of coffee can make a huge difference!

      Like

  11. I feel like this is so true. Through all the stages of life, it can be difficult to adjust. I appreciate that you are allowing momma’s to mourn their pre-mom self. I think that is so powerful!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Yes!! This is perfect!
    I became a “step-mom” (we still aren’t married … all these years later! Lol!) at 21 and a mom at 22. Now we have 3 babies and 2 big kids. It’s so hard and overwhelming sometimes!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It definitely is! You’re so right. I think especially when you’re younger, giving up your youth is a huge commitment to make. But definitely worth it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. More than worth it!! I remind myself that since I had my babies at a young age, they’ll be grown in time for me to enjoy my older years. All about a little sacrifice πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, as we grow, we’re constantly changing! And while we may miss the person we were before, there’s no saying that we aren’t just as great now. Thanks for your insightful comment!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s